Saturday, September 14, 2013

Breaking up, not breaking down

Bam! The door closes and it's over. All the wonderful times you've spent together--gone! All the ways you made each other happy once--irrelevant! Lost? Confused? No, none of the traditional 
adjectives quite describe the pain of being on the wrong end of a breakup.

Revenge may cross your mind. Your partner walking away while you drown your sorrows in a tub of ice cream is a bitter pill to swallow. So what do you do? Donate his clothes? Max out his credit card? Sleep with his friend(s)? No!

I'm going to boldly say, if you're hurt, it's because you still have love for him. Love doesn't fade because you caught him cheating or because he decided it was over. Revenge is an impulsive beast with no regard for consequences.

Understandably you're angry. How dare he not fully appreciate the beautiful marvelous creature you are? However, plotting against him will only give you a temporary sense of satisfaction (if that). Real healing takes time. Until then, let's talk about how you can avoid being the "psycho" ex.

Keep your composure
One of the worse things you can do is call all of your friends and family to share every little detail of your very fresh breakup. It may get everyone on your side, but it also opens you up to their various, and often unnecessary opinions. Instead, give yourself time to figure out your feelings, and understand his, without everyone contributing their two cents.

 "Hi, it's me again!"
Calling him incessantly isn't going to make him want to speak with you. If he wants to see or speak to you, he will make it happen. All you need is ONE conversation to let him know you are open to talk about your relationship. During that ONE conversation avoid sounding whiny or desperate. You are just as valuable as he is. Be honest, but maintain your dignity.

After you've made your willingness to talk clear, the ball is in his court. Refrain from calling unless absolutely necessary*.

*"Necessary" constitutes children** and/or household related expenses you still share. 
**Do not use your children as weapons of mass destruction. Remember it not only hurts him, but them as well.

Turn Anger into Productivity 
Wallowing in your self-pity for too long can be dangerous. Closing yourself off will only reinforce the idea that you need him to have a fulfilling life. Instead, turn all of that pent up frustration, pain, and anger into something useful. Do something good for yourself and others: volunteer your time, learn something new, go to the gym, take an amazing vacation, reconnect with old friends. Live YOUR life! 

Focus on the positive
Perspective is everything. Keep your focus on all the things that make you happy outside of your relationship. You will realize your life is still pretty amazing despite the breakup.

Getting over your boyfriend (or divorce) is hard. Take your time and turn to those who will provide love and judgment free support.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...